So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
