she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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