Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
