In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
