what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
