just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
