Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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