he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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