Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
