I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
