I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
