How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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