Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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