you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
