I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Couch. On fire.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
