the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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