Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
