it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
