I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
