they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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