I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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