Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
