I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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