I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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