$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
