What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish you could order shots online.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
