She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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