This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
