I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
