so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
