Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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