420 ftw
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
