idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
