I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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