I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
