about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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