I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
