i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
