yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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