What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize