I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would ride that face into the sunset
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
