My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
