Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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