How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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