brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
