I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
