Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
