I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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