that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize