I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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