Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
