I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
