When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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