Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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