I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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