My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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