I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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