FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize