You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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