I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
