my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
