how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
