WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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