literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
