I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
