I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
