I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
