Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
