508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i now understand why vodka
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
