Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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