Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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