Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
