...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
