so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
