Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
